


When I Am Gone

by rook_fern



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Character Death, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7355266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rook_fern/pseuds/rook_fern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first true Supernatural fanfiction.</p>
    </blockquote>





	When I Am Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first true Supernatural fanfiction.

     Tears bubbled in my eyes, making them sting with sudden ferocity. With frustration, I wiped them away with a shaky hand; the silvery droplets clung to my skin, tracing small rivulets over my dirtied fingertips. My hand dropped back down to rest on the seat, absently tracing the many lines that creases the well-worn leather. My other hand was limp in my lap, a small stain of deep crimson stained against the paling blue of my jeans. The fragile skin that once covered my knuckles was flayed and torn in small jagged strips; the cut slowly oozed blood, and for a moment, I was mesmerized by the simple and morbid sight.

     I was struck from my revelry by a chilled breeze that wafted in through the splinters of the shattered window at my left. The air seemed bitterly cold, piercing me so deep that it seemed as if a frost was settling on my bones and would never lift.

     Inhale.

     Exhale.

     My breath was shuddering in my chest with an odd rattling I just now took to noticing. I took another short breath in, listening and pondering at the peculiar sound that seemed all too much like an old car engine, one that, without the right piece, would never run properly again. With a soft gasp of realization at my pain, I reclined my head over the back of the seat and stared listlessly at the weather - and blood - stained ceiling. The movement propelled my heart into a thunder motion, and there was a deafening roaring in my ears. Moaning in my permanent state of misery in low tones of despair, I sucked a heaving gasp in through my nose; the air stank of smoke and ash, and of blood and death. A bout of thick nausea seized me, twisting my stomach in a labyrinth of knots. I was barely able to shove the door open and stumble out onto the muddied grass before my empty stomach began to clench and force putrid bile from my body. For a moment, I sat there on all fours, staring incredulously at the puddle of vomit that was slowly being mixed with the rainwater that coated the ground. To my vague and distant surprise, there were a few flecks of blood mingling with the clear bile. Absently, I ran my tongue over my lips that were cracking from dehydration; through the bitterness of vomit, I could taste the acrid, metallic taste of blood pouring from a split lip. I hadn’t even noticed it, as if the immense emotional state of shock I was in canceled out all of my physical pains.

     A raspy, hysterical laugh escaped me, rushing up out of my ragged throat and forcing its way out through my clenched teeth. Another followed it, although it was weaker. Soon, the manic, wheezing laughs turned to dry sobs, and I threw myself back against the body of the vehicle behind me with such conviction that stars of white danced before my already-spotty vision.

     And as if some cruel god had snapped their fingers, my cold, comforting, numb blanket of shock was gone. My body ached everywhere, and every nerve in my body seemed to be burning like a roaring bonfire. A wail grew inside me, but when I opened my mouth to release it, no sound came out. Instead, a single word was seared into my mind and sent off towards the heavens like a pitiful prayer.

_      Why? _

     “Why?” The husky rasp wriggled free of my lips, albeit no more than a faint whisper. Then the word became my mantra, and I repeated it in a haze; each time, my tone rose in intensity and volume until I was screaming nonsense to the cold, heartless, twinkling stars above. I screamed until my voice broke and I could scream no more.

     A last pitiful whimper graced my tongue. “Why…?”

     My tears were still flowing freely, tracing clean tracks down my mud, blood, bile, and ash stained cheeks. Eyes still locked on the lonely night sky, I glared at the stars with hatred. How could they be so contempt and smug and heartless? My voice refused to utter another sound that was not guttural, so I cursed the heavens in my thoughts.  _ How could you bastards let this happen? You’re supposed to protect and love Mankind. Wasn’t that your mission? _

     As my pain gave way to burning, spiraling, white-hot rage, I stumbled to my feet, leaning heavily against the raindrop-scattered black exterior of the ever-present car behind me. On unsteady feet, I began to traverse, unsuccessfully avoiding the many mud puddles and potholes, towards the still flickering pyre that belched toxic black smoke into the dismal gray skies. As I approached the smoldering mass, my strength weakened with each step. Reaching the crumbling edge of the wooden barricade, my knees gave out, and I collapsed to the ground. The hot embers of the fire’s remnants scorched my flesh as I pressed against them; mud squelched up between my balled hands, mingling with the blood that was still oozing from my lacerated hand.

     My back arched like the Devil’s whip had slapped across bared skin, and my pain was freshly renewed. As I opened my mouth to give more silent screams, the rain began to fall down around me once more, and dirty rivers coursed into my opened maw. Still-hot coals hissed in protest as the cold water struck them, and the air was soon filled with their screams, like they screamed the anguish I could not. Before long, I was no more than a crumpled heap at the foot of Death’s victim, reduced to groveling whimpers and choking sobs.

     I was broken. Irreparable. Split in two and never destined to find my other half.

     I was hollow, nothing more than a shell of a man without a soul.

     He was my heart.

     He was everything.

     He was gone.


End file.
